many things. Love is part
, part listening
, part respect
and part human nature
And these are just some of the many wonderful
that love can give us. Love is truly one of the greatest and
most amazing experiences
can have. Love is a feeling
on a much higher level
. This is one of the reasons why
losing love hurts
so much and why
hurts so much. The highs and
lows of love can be
an emotional joy ride
, so try to learn as much
as you can before you take the ride of your life
is when you really like someone a lot and
about them a lot, so much so,
they're always on your mind and you're always thinking about them in a
nice way. Though love is not always
clearly visible or fully understood, one thing is for sure, we know that
having love is a lot better than not having love
When you say that you love someone, it is an
and a form of
are letting the person know that you
their good qualities and you want them to be aware that you
in a good way.
can choose who to love, and other times, love chooses you. This happens to
everyone. But love does not always happen at the same time for everyone.
You may love someone, but that someone may not love you. You may become
but this does not always mean love, at least not yet. You may not even know exactly why you care about someone
all of a sudden. Love sometimes just happens. But at one point, you will choose to love
someone, or you will choose not to love someone. And if you feel
that you have no choice
who you choose to love, then you
understand what love is. Falling in love with someone is normal, but never
you love someone is not normal. If
you're always trying to seek the approval
of someone, and if you're just doing things
for someone's approval, then doing good things
will eventually lose their meaning. You can count all the things that you
like about someone, but that does not mean that you will love
that person. And you may not like
everything about someone, but you may still love that someone. You can
count all the things that make you happy
, but that
does not mean that you will have happiness
those things don't really count for happiness. Love is a
in the same way that
is a responsibility. You
need to be aware of all the
that can cloud your judgment, and
you need to be aware of all the vulnerabilities
. With some relationships,
is not enough. Some
need more than just love
. Love is just a word unless you put
love into practice.
And in order to put love into practice, you need to fully understand
what love is
, and fully understand
what love isn't
Love is so much more than
words can describe. It's like all your emotions come together in agreement
and say, "this is really good!" I'm not sure why, but I really like this
person. It's like a lighting bolt, bam, you're in love. I like what I see,
but I like more how that person makes me feel. Love is like a vibration on
some other level. How should I interpret this signal? Should I act, or
just recognize them, or just be aware them?
Rubin's Love and Liking Scale
Why do we fall for certain people
? The science of attraction. We're
attracted to people
who like the same
things as us -- politics, music, books. But why? And could it mean we're
who aren't like us too harshly
? Sometimes life's most
grow from the
briefest of connections
Like when you go to a party and meet someone wearing your favorite band's
T-shirt, or who laughs
at the same jokes as you
, or who grabs that unpopular snack you alone
(or so you thought) love. One small, shared interest sparks a conversation
-- that's my favorite, too! -- and blossoms into lasting affection.
explains that people tend
to be attracted to people that are similar to themselves
similarities are in the form of shared valued and beliefs, attitudes,
cultural backgrounds, and even small behaviors like posture.
is someone likable and easy to
get along with, or someone easy to like and agreeable. Someone having
shared attributes or interests. Able to exist and perform in harmonious or
agreeable combination. Someone compatible.
To be Lucky in Love
is to finally have a successful romantic
relationship. To be Unlucky in Love
having a series of bad romantic relationships
.Love only needs each other
, but it's not
as simple as it sounds. Though love is natural, and though love
can be felt by anyone, young or old, and even though love does
not require any intelligence, love does get better when you
learning about yourself
, and continue to
learn about others
continue to learn about the world
. This is not to say that Love requires knowledge, but
Love does come from knowledge, so knowledge requires love
. Are you Lovin this?
means having a
your own well-being
. Self-love means
taking care of your own
and not sacrificing your well-being just
to please others
yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite
their faults. Not being a Narcissist
- Avoiding Negative ThoughtsLearn to love yourself
, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you. The goal is to love someone else without loving yourself any
less, because the best part of the love that you give to someone
else comes partially from the love that you give to yourself.
"You can't make someone
love you, but you can definitely
become someone who can be loved
and be someone who is worth loving."
to be loved
, especially by you. If you are not allowing yourself to be
loved, no one will love you,
not even yourself
. Allow yourself to be
loved. The loving starts with you. And love should always be with you,
even when there is no one else there to love you.
You are the keeper of
. And no one can blow out your candle because your fire is well
hidden and protected inside you. Focus on being a friend to yourself, then
be that friend to everyone else.
See Both Sides
. Be your own valentine, love yourself first.
Write yourself a love letter
and describe all the things
that you admire about yourself. Schedule a date with yourself—an afternoon or
an evening that’s all about you. Invest in yourself. Remind yourself, "You make
the world a better place."
“To love yourself is a never-ending
journey.” – Oprah WinfreyTreat Yourself
means to do something good and pleasurable for yourself, something that
may not be necessary, but fun. It may be something that you do just for
the enjoyment of it. It may be buying a gift for yourself or doing an
activity that you always like to do or always wanted to do. Treating
yourself is not the same thing as emotional spending where you buy
something that you don't need just to ease your emotions such as
depression or sadness.
Women who practice self-compassion are at lower risk of cardiovascular
. Practicing kindness is good for your body and mind. Despite
what skeptics say, being kind to
is not a new age fad, there is actual research to back it up.
for self-love, and is usually considered to be a sign of
enlightenment. 111 is a subtle message from your guardian angels that
tells you what you must do to stay on the right course. Angel number 111
is also a symbol of fresh starts and new beginnings. 111 can also mean
that you are an extremely independent person. You love to create. You love
to express yourself. You love to share.
Types of Love - Words that Describe Love
romantic love is
love someone and having a strong emotional feeling of affection for them,
or having a strong attraction towards them. It's being so in love with a
person that you want to know everything about that person. And you want to feel and experience
love as if you two were one being. True Love.
is a relationship between two lovers. A story
dealing with love.
Romantic love is not the same as infatuation
, or is it love
at first sight, because how could you fall in love
with someone you personally don't know? You are mostly just
falling in love with a
A dream that has been passed down for centuries in the way of
love stories, love songs and movies.
love stories in history and in literature
. This is a beautiful dream, but it is clearly not
logical. It takes time to know someone
and it even takes more time
to know yourself
Love also has chemistry, like
But don't let the feel good high
judgment. Love hurts sometimes, especially when we
lose the love
someone dear to us. Broken Heart
is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or
. This may involve similarity, love, romance, comfort,
intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and
"It's easy to fall in love, I do it all the time, the hard part is to
stay in love."
"Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it's
extremely important they are. You are always ready to help that
person when ever they need your help. You
because you know that they carefully listen to you when you speak.
Appreciative love is similar to
. The love between a parent and their child can be one of
the strongest kinds of love, but it can also be one of the most
complicated types of love. Attachment Theory
is to have a great affection or
liking for someone or something. A beloved person; used as
terms of endearment
. A strong
positive emotion of regard and affection. Get
is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from
interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that
meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal
attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness,
, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for
the good of another". It may also describe compassionate and affectionate
actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.
When all the good qualities of love are combined
, it creates a very special love. A love
that everyone should have. But even if you don't have emotional love,
that will never stop you from loving
stop you from being
. That is truly the value of love. Love is non
, though Love flourishes in more favorable
is a type of love when you
loving someone even when they make a
when they have
when they have experienced some unfortunate
that was not of their choosing, like when someone becomes
ill. Unconditional Love is when you love someone without having any
It means that you will be by their side and
them, even when they
have a change of heart
. The term
unconditional love is also sometimes associated with other terms such as true
or complete love
. Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing
unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type of love which
has no bounds and is unchanging to a certain degree. It is a concept comparable to
a term which is more frequently used to describe love between lovers. By
contrast, unconditional love is frequently used to describe love between
family members, comrades in arms and between others in highly committed
relationships. An example of this is a parent's love for their child; no
matter a test score, a life changing decision, an argument, or a strong
belief, the amount of love that remains between this bond is seen as
unchanging and unconditional. Unconditional love is garnered and shared by
those who love themselves first. Love should flow naturally. You should
should only let Love flow naturally. Unconditional love does not mean that
should be gullible
, or ignore the
make with each other. It means that we should not
people without having an
Everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but even then, you still need a
. Don't confuse
unconditional love with
. When people
step over the line repeatedly, you need to
relationship. A divorce
is sometimes necessary. No Strings
- Freedom has Limits
The most important condition or requirement that you should put on a
friendship, is that you both agree to
each other, and to never make
. Agree to
talk, listen and learn. And when a friendship
know why, instead of wondering why.
When you truly love someone,
you love the whole person, you love the whole package. The person you love
is like receiving a very special gift, you even love the wrapping paper
that the gift comes in. You love everything about the person, even their
imperfections. Everybody knows that no one is perfect, but someone can be
perfect for you
Love— the marriage of true minds—is perfect and unchanging; it does
not admit impediments, and it does not change when it find changes in the
a greco-christian term referring to love, "the highest form of love,
" and "the love of God for
man and of man for God". The word is not to be confused with
, as it embraces a universal, unconditional love that
transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. The noun form first
occurs in the Septuagint, but the verb form goes as far back as Homer,
translated literally as affection, as in "greet with affection" and "show
affection for the dead
". Other ancient authors have used forms of the word
to denote love of a spouse or family, or affection for a particular
activity, in contrast to
(an affection of a sexual nature).
to some purpose.
is to find something or someone enjoyable or agreeable. Be
fond of. A feeling of pleasure and enjoyment.
is a positive feeling of liking.
is an extension of the
with near kin
the greater community of fellow believers
, that goes beyond the mere
To "love thy neighbor
", and shows itself as "unfeigned love
from a "pure heart
", that extends an
hand of friendship
loves when not loved back, that gives without getting
, and that ever looks
for what is best in others.
is to love someone very much.
Italian word for love.
is a very
serious love affair, usually a secret or discrete.
, reverence, strong admiration
or devotion in a certain person, place, or thing.
is a tender and warm feeling toward
someone; extreme fondness. Affection
is a feeling or type of love, amounting to more than goodwill or
is a feeling of
approval and liking. A favorable
is to have great affection and caring
is a strong
Something that is desired
intensely. An irrational but irresistible motive
for a belief or action. Any object of warm affection or devotion.
is a very strong feeling about a person or thing.
Passion is an intense emotion
, a compelling
or desire for
is a prolonged
unfulfilled desire or need, like a void in your Heart
is to direct toward itself
or oneself by means of some psychological power or physical attributes.
Exert a force on a body causing it to approach or prevent it from moving
is the force by which one
object attracts another. The quality of arousing interest; being
or something that attracts.
Law of Attraction.
is the attraction between people which leads to friendships and to
platonic or romantic relationships. Interpersonal attraction, the process,
is distinct from perceptions of physical attractiveness, which involves
views of what is and is not considered beautiful or attractive.
Attractiveness - Beauty
Some Nice Ways to Say I Love You
- I love you to the moon and back again. I'm like a fish in love with a
bird wishing I could fly. I'm head over heels for you. You're my dream
come true. You take my breath away. I smile every time I think of you.
Since you've been around I smile a lot more than I used to. Nothing truly
ever made sense until you came into my life. You are the most important
person in my life, now and always. I'm much more 'me' when I'm with you.
You're the love of my life. You're my best friend. I'm crazy about you.
You're my other half. You are my sunshine. We are soul mates. You are
worth the wait. I will always love you.
Falling in Love (pdf).
What does it mean to feel loved: Cultural consensus and individual
differences in felt love. People’s cognitive evaluations on what feeling
loved (both romantically and nonromantically) entails by exploring the
shared agreement regarding when one is most likely to feel loved and the
individual differences that influence knowledge of these shared
agreements. people show individual differences in (1) the amount of
knowledge they have about this consensus and (2) their guessing biases in
responding to items on love scenarios, depending on personality and
demographics—all conclusions made possible by the
Courtly Love was
a highly conventionalized
medieval tradition of love between a knight and a married noblewoman.
Courtly love was an experience between erotic desire and spiritual
attainment, "a love at once illicit and morally elevating, passionate and
disciplined, humiliating and exalting, human and transcendent". Courtly
love was a medieval European literary conception of love that emphasized
nobility and chivalry. Medieval literature is filled with examples of
knights setting out on adventures and performing various deeds or services
for ladies because of their "courtly love". This kind of love is
originally a literary fiction created for the entertainment of the
nobility, but as time passed, these ideas about love changed and attracted
a larger audience. In the high Middle Ages, a "game of love" developed
around these ideas as a set of social practices. "Loving nobly" was
considered to be an enriching and improving practice.
is very polite or refined, as befitting a royal court.
How do I love thee? Let
me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul
can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal
grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and
candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
Pure Love - True Love
something that is free of bad qualities
and free of
of any kind. Something that is pleasing and
and in its
is one who desires that an item remain
essence and free
from adulterating or
is something not mixed or
diluted with any different or extra elements. Something complete and
absolute with no inferior added substances
is the love that encompasses
all the best qualities of love
. It's a strong
and lasting affection between two people who are in a happy, passionate
and fulfilling relationship, and stay passionate about each other and care
deeply for each other for the entire relationship. It's when two people
can step out of themselves and think about the betterment of the
relationship, and not just the betterment of their own life.
represent true love and giving someone this
means you truly love and respect this person. It is a testament to your
relationships and promises the other person that you will never forget
them in your thoughts. A symbol of fidelity and being
someone you love. Fidelity is the quality of
are traditionally seen as symbols of love – both romantic and
platonic. In Victorian floriography, pansies often represented forbidden
love between secret lovers. Pansies also symbolize qualities like
compassion, remembrance, and nostalgia. Pansies also embody
is having desirable or positive qualities
especially those suitable
for a thing specified. Morally admirable.
Promoting or enhancing well-being. Agreeable or pleasing. Of
or admirableness. Having or showing
knowledge and skill and aptitude. Most suitable or right for a
particular purpose. Resulting favorably. Capable of pleasing.
Appealing to the mind.
In excellent physical condition. Tending to promote physical
well-being; beneficial to health. Generally admired. Beneficial.
That which is pleasing or valuable or useful. In a good or
proper or satisfactory manner or to a high standard. The quality
of doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong. A good
is the act of showing
regard for others
. Pleasant or pleasing or
agreeable in nature or appearance.
Socially or conventionally correc
t; refined or virtuous.
Done with delicacy and skill. Exhibiting courtesy and
politeness. A courteous manner that respects accepted social
of the feelings or well-being of others. Showing
concern for the rights and feelings of others. Acting with or
showing thought and good sense. Exhibiting or characterized by
Having intellectual depth
is having or showing a tender and
and helpful nature. Kind is
Cleanliness is Next to Godliness
expresses the idea that those who are pure
and wholesome are close to God
is characteristic of
physical or moral well-being
soundness in body or mind.Even When
- I'm glad that
you're in this world. I'm glad that my experience with life includes you.
I love almost everything about you. Even when you bitch and complain, I
know that it's not you, and I know that you're just expressing a feeling,
and every human has feelings and emotions, even me. So I listen, and I
hope to learn something. Even when we wasted time, my time with you is
never a waste.
"I love my fellow humans, I
love my body
, my mind and my soul. I love my earth, my sun, my solar
system, my galaxy and my universe. Thank you for having me, so what's next?" "Enjoy
it while it lasts." Then what? "Something wonderful."
Obsessive Love - Unreasoned Passion
is when a person feels an overwhelming
to possess another person toward whom one feels a
an inability to accept failure or rejection
is the state of being
that is without proper insight
without proper evaluative judgment
Infatuation can be a
sometimes for reasons such as
recklessness, and sometimes without due thought or consideration, and
sometimes in spite of everything, and without regard to drawbacks, like
with an addiction
- Head Games
is marked by foolish
or unreasoning fondness.
is being strongly
to something or someone.
Filled with wonder and delight. Cause to be enamored or marked by foolish
or unreasoning fondness.
is being filled with
is having or
displaying a passionate
is the state of being emotionally aroused and worked up. Intense and
feeling. Feelings of great warmth and intensity.
informal term for feelings of love, romance, or infatuation, often felt by
young people during their childhood and adolescence. It is named for its
resemblance to the adoring, worshipful affection that may be felt by a
puppy. It may also be able to describe short/long-term love interest. The
term can be used in a derogatory fashion, describing emotions which are
shallow and transient in comparison to other forms of love such as
you have towards someone for
no logical reason
which sometimes causes you to think about them more than anything else,
without knowing them on a personal level.
is attractiveness that interests,
pleases or stimulates.
is a state of mind which results from a
to another person and typically includes
and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object
of love and have one's feelings
is wanting intensely.
to people or
things in general persisting from childhood into adult life.
is to have an excessive and
irrational commitment to something or someone or an
something or someone. To make something the object of a
psychological force producing intense wanting
or longing for an object, or circumstance fulfilling the
. Lust can
take any form such as the
lust for sexuality
love, money or power. It can take such mundane forms as the lust for food
as distinct from the need for food. Focus
and not just what you
Law of Attraction
"We shouldn't put a face on love, because love is not a face, love
is everything behind the face."
"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the
mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." -
(Act I, Scene I). Henry V Play
"To fall in love for superficial reasons
is an insult to love.
Love should be pure,
otherwise that act of loving someone becomes fake and exploitive."
is seeing only the
surface. Insignificant details
of little importance. Narrowness of mind.
Playing Hard to Get
is to pretend not to be
interested in someone when you really are. You're trying not to look easy
or desperate to give the impression of being independent and secure, while
in fact, you're attracted to someone, but you don't want them to know
until you are sure that they're interested in you too.
We tend to like people who like us
, which is a basic human trait that
psychologists have termed "reciprocity of attraction." This principle
generally works well to start relationships because it reduces the
likelihood of rejection. Yet, making the chase
harder also has its upsides
. Which one then is the better strategy
for finding a partner? People who are too easy to attract may be perceived
as more desperate.
is the act of a person feeling an attraction to
someone only upon learning or becoming aware of that person's attraction
to themselves. Reciprocal liking has a significant impact on
and the formation of
relationships. People that reciprocally have a liking for each other
typically initiate or develop a friendship or romantic relationship.
Feelings of admiration, affection, love, and respect are characteristics
for reciprocal liking between the two individuals. When there is
reciprocal liking there is strong mutual attraction or strong mutual
liking, but with others there isn't. The feelings of warmth and intimacy
also play a role. The consideration and desire to spend time with one
another is another strong indicator for reciprocal liking.
On-Again, Off-Again Relationship
is a form of personal relationship
between two persons who keep breaking up only to reconcile afterwards,
thus repeating a cycle. A relationship might be on-again, off-again, when
one partner relocates to a new place or the couple re-assessing their
relationship. Many continue to reunite out of a persistent hope that the
moments of happiness and gratification they have known will eventually
constitute the entire relationship.
Fallin' - Alicia
(youtube) - I keep on fallin' In and out of love With you.
Sometimes I love ya, Sometimes you make me blue, Sometimes I feel good, At
times I feel used, Lovin' you darlin', Makes me so confused.
refers to "a person with whom one is
, despite a fundamental
dislike or rivalry" or "a person who combines the characteristics of a
enemy". The term is used to describe personal, geopolitical and commercial
relationships both among individuals and groups or institutions. This term
also describes a
is to regard someone solely as a friend, despite their
romantic or sexual interest.
It's a situation in which one member of a friendship wishes to enter into
a romantic or sexual relationship, while the other does not, or a
situation in which a friendship exists between two people, one of whom has
an unreciprocated romantic or sexual interest in the other. The sense of zone is one of being stuck in an unwanted
and distant relationship. The rejected person
is said to have been put
"in" the object of their affection's "friend zone". The concept of the
friend zone has been criticized as misogynistic, because of a belief that
the concept implies an expectation that women should have sex with men in
whom they have no interest, simply because the men were nice to them. This
is closely associated with so-called "nice
". describe a man who views himself as a prototypical
"nice guy," but whose "nice deeds" are deemed to be solely motivated by a
desire to court women.
is a state of having simultaneous
beliefs, or feelings towards some object. Stated another way, ambivalence
is the experience of having an attitude towards someone or something that
contains both positively and negatively valenced
. The term also refers to situations where "mixed
" of a more general sort are experienced, or where a person
experiences uncertainty or indecisiveness. Although attitudes tend to
guide attitude-relevant behavior, those held with ambivalence tend to do
so to a lesser extent. The less certain an individual is in their
attitude, the more impressionable it becomes, hence making future actions
less predictable and/or less decisive. Ambivalent attitudes are also more
susceptible to transient information (e.g., mood), which can result in a
more malleable evaluation. However, since ambivalent people think more
about attitude-relevant information, they also tend to be more persuaded
by (compelling) attitude-relevant information than less-ambivalent people.
Explicit ambivalence may or may not be experienced as psychologically
unpleasant when the positive and negative aspects of a subject are both
present in a person's mind at the same time. Psychologically uncomfortable
ambivalence, also known as
can lead to avoidance, procrastination, or to deliberate attempts to
resolve the ambivalence. People experience the greatest discomfort from
their ambivalence at the time when the situation requires a decision to be
made. People are aware of their ambivalence to varying degrees, so the
effects of an ambivalent state vary across individuals and situations. For
this reason, researchers have considered two forms of ambivalence, only
one of which is subjectively experienced as a state of conflict.
is a rocky relationship
where a person can show their love at one moment but in the next moment
, which makes you wonder if that
person really loves you at all. It's usually a sign that someone either
has personal problems or has difficulty communicating, or maybe its that
the person doesn't understand what a healthy
is really like.
You can also have a
Love Hate Relationship with Food
is when you love to eat a type of food but that particular food doesn't
love you back because the food is unhealthy and could eventually give you heart disease
if you keep eating it.
is usually a
involving three or more
people. While it can refer to two people independently romantically linked
with a third, it usually implies that each of the three people has some
kind of relationship to the other two. Although the romantic love triangle
is formally identical to the friendship triad
, as many have noted their
actual implications are quite different....Romantic love is typically
viewed as an exclusive relationship, whereas friendship is not. Statistics
suggest that, in Western society, willingly or not
, most adults have been
involved in a love triangle.
holding on too tightly
to anything in life will always cloud the
experience and reduce the time that you have together, and you will end up
what you have,
which is something temporary, as everything in life is. These are the
rules of nature that have been given to us. Though we like to believe that
love will still survive on some other level and last till the end of time.
Head Games - Fakers - Manipulators
is when a person makes
and having a misleading
Not genuine or real
; being an
of the genuine article.
Something that is a counterfeit
not what it seems to be
or without regard for
is the act of giving a false appearance. Pretending with intention
to deceive. A false or unsupportable quality.
is a series of
deliberate actions or responses planned for
on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.
is an attempt to psychologically
someone. A mental pursuit or
. Psychologically intimidate someone.
feeling of guilt or responsibility, especially an unjustified one induced
by someone else. Creating a guilt trip in another person may be considered
to be psychological
in the form of punishment for a perceived transgression.
Guilt trips are also considered to be a form of passive aggression. The
victim may be reminded of something bad they did, made to feel guilty
about it and then given an option to escape that guilt. The option will
depend on what the manipulator wants them to do. People often feel obliged
to comply with guilt trip demands as a way of receiving others' approval.
Love is Blind
when love is based on
positive illusions instead of being based on objective reality. When you
can't see who a person truly is
then that lie will lead you astray to a place where love does not exist.
That is why people are always shocked when a person they thought they knew
does something bad. Don't assume that a person is good or bad. You need to
learn about the person to know the person, and
not pretend to know
them. Love is Knowledge
"Love looks not
with the eyes, but with the mind, And therefore is winged Cupid painted
, A Midsummer Night's Dream.
Money Can't Buy You Love
is a saying that means that no
amount of money will make someone love you if you're a
or a moron. The best that
you can do is buy someone's service, and that's only if you're lucky,
because most people don't like to work for as*holes
no matter how much you
pay them. Don't be a fool for love
and don't be a fool for money is easier said than done, which means that
it's easier to talk about doing something than it is to put your words
into practice. Walk the Talk
is to do what
you said you would do, and not just make empty promises. It's putting your
words or your talk into action. Even though money may make it
easier to find love, you still have to
be careful what you wish for
Rejection - When Someone Doesn't Love You Anymore
is dismissing or refusing of a proposal, which is not
bad, except that some people who reject you express a lack of
accompanied by a feeling of intense
dislike, which can hurt. No need to be mean
it may spread.
(Falling Out of Love) -
occurs when an individual is
from a social relationship
or social interaction. Rejected
is to dismiss
from consideration. Refuse to accept or acknowledge. Deem something wrong
or inappropriate, but the person may be
, but it is still a
, and not a
is a harsh
word, and it's also not an accurate word to use. Everyone has different
tastes and different needs, and those tastes and needs change as we get
older and become more mature. So sometimes relationships are all about the
timing. When you meet someone at the right time, it's easier to make a
connection. But this does not mean that the connection will last, because
everyone changes over time. Some changes take people in different
directions, and other changes may take us in the same direction, which
means that a long lasting relationship is very possible.
can be the act of
, or emotional distance. In a
religious context, shunning is a formal decision by a denomination or a
congregation to cease interaction with an individual or a group, and
follows a particular set of rules. It differs from, but may be associated
with, excommunication. Shunned
persistently avoided, ignored, or rejected.Blew You Off
means that someone ignored you and did not follow through on an agreement
or social engagement. To treat someone as unimportant, either by not
honoring previously made plans or by not acknowledging someone who has
is the practice of ceasing all communication and contact with
a partner, friend, or similar individual without any apparent warning or
justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or
communicate made by said partner, friend, or individual. Ghosting is
abruptly ending communication with someone without explanation.
Ghosting friends increases depressive tendencies
over time. Ghosting has been found to be associated with a lack of
psychological well-being and increasing levels of distrust in the
relationship. Depressive tendencies describe the extent to which a person
experiences symptoms of depression.Ignored
is to refuse to
someone. To bar someone
or consideration. Fail
to notice someone. Estranged
refusal to communicate
verbally with someone who is willing to communicate. It may range from
just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behavior.
a phrase used to express dismissal or the act of disregarding someone.
Used as a description of aloofness and disdain, a contemptuous look over
is a refusal to communicate or cooperate. Such behavior
occurs in situations such as marriage guidance counseling, diplomatic
negotiations, politics and legal cases. Body language may indicate and
reinforce this by avoiding contact and engagement with the other party.
People use deflection in a conversation in order to
render a conversation
and insignificant. Tactics in stonewalling include giving
sparse, vague responses, refusing to answer questions, or responding to
questions with additional questions. In most cases, stonewalling is used
to create a delay, rather than to put the conversation off forever.
Dear John letter
is a letter written to a man by his wife or
inform him their relationship is over
because she has found another lover. The man is often a soldier stationed
overseas, although the letter may be used in other ways, including being
left for him to discover when he returns from work to an emptied house. It
is usually sent after time-away on holiday.
is to gradually have less of a
close relationship, usually because each person no longer has the same
interests or wants the same things.When
the Song is Over
. Losing the love of someone when a relationship
ends can be very painful. Like when a song ends. You wish that the song
never ended because the song was so enjoyable. You can just play the song
again, but there is seldom a replay of a relationship you enjoyed. Imagine
never hearing a song again, especially a song that you loved. How would
you remember that song? Would you recreate the song? Would you recreate
the love that you lost? The music doesn't have to end, neither does the
love. When the
, turn out the lights, but maybe this time, I'll keep the lights on.
is a tendency to look at and have sexual thoughts
about other people while already in a romantic relationship.
is the breaking or violation of a presumptive
contract, trust, or confidence that produces moral and psychological
conflict within a relationship amongst individuals.
"Falling in love is not always a choice, but to stay in love is."
"Anyone can come into your life and say how
much they love you. It takes someone really special to stay in
your life and show how much they love you."
only understand things.Not Your Type
means that a person doesn't match your standards or qualities and lacks
certain characteristics and personality that you usually find attractive
and interesting. This doesn't mean that something is wrong with the
person, it just means they are not compatible.Excitement Wears Off
or the Novelty Wears Off
is when you stop feeling
excited about something because it is no longer new.
is to lose interest. Something
that evokes a negative feeling.Turn off is to disable, disconnect, or stop
the function of something. To stop the flow.
is a person who does not engage
in friendly conversation and seems uninterested, uncaring or troubled.
Emotionally unresponsive and unwilling to express genuine feelings or
listen. May be holding contempt
is to cause something to move
back by force or influence. Reject outright and bluntly. Force or drive
back. Fill with distaste. Negative Energy
is to reject something outright
and bluntly. A deliberate
act or an expression of anger or disapproval. An instance
of driving away or warding off something. To force or drive back.
love for your negative feelings or
thoughts, don't blame love for your broken heart
Love does not
and don't blame love for
. Don't blame love for not meeting
don't blame love for being insecure
blame love for being blind or
, because love does not cause those things to happen, you cause
those things to happen. The only thing to blame is your own
lack of knowledge
. There is lot to learn
, and there's
also a lot to learn about your-self
. So don't
play the blame game
, play the
much more fun and a lot more rewarding. Now that's Love.
A Woman Scorned
is when a woman who has
been rejected or betrayed in love becomes very angry and dangerous.
"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a
Don't Pull Your
by Hamilton, Joe Frank, & Reynolds - Don't pull your love out on
me honey. Take my heart, my soul, my money. But don't leave me drownin' in
Lovin, You're Never Gonna Get It
- En Vogue (youtube)
The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine Anymore - The Walker Brothers
Loneliness is the cloak you wear, A deep shade of blue is always there,
The sun ain't gonna shine anymore, The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky,
The tears are always clouding your eyes, When you're without love, baby.
Could Read My Mind - Gordon Lightfoot
(youtube) - I never thought I
could feel this way, And I've got to say that I just don't get it, I don't
know where we went wrong, But the feeling's gone,
And I just can't get it back
50 Ways to Leave
Your Lover - Paul Simon
(youtube) - You just slip out the back, Jack,
Make a new plan, Stan, You don't need to be coy, Roy, Just get yourself
free, Hop on the bus, Gus, You don't need to discuss much, Just drop off
the key, Lee, And get yourself free.SOS - Abba
(youtube) - Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find. I tried
to reach for you, but you have closed your mind.
Whatever happened to our love
? I wish I understood. It used to be
so nice, it used to be so good. So when you're near me, darling can't you
hear me S. O. S. The love you gave me, nothing else can save me S. O. S.
When you're gone, How can I even try to go on? When you're gone, Though I
try how can I carry on? You seem so far away though you are standing near.
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear. I really tried to make
it out, I wish I understood. What happened to our love, it used to be so
good. So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S. O. S. The love
you gave me, nothing else can save me, S. O. S. When you're gone, How can
I even try to go on? When you're gone, Though I try how can I carry on? So
when you're near me, darling can't you hear me, S. O. S. And the love you
gave me, nothing else can save me, S. O. S. When you're gone, How can I
even try to go on? When you're gone, Though I try how can I carry on? When
you're gone, How can I even try to go on? When you're gone, Though I try
how can I carry on?
Winner Takes It All - Abba
(youtube) - I don't want to talk, About the
things we've gone through, Though it's hurting me, Now it's history, I've
played all my cards. And that's what you've done too, Nothing more to say,
No more ace to play, The winner takes it all, The loser standing small,
Beside the victory, That's her destiny, I was in your arms, Thinking I
belonged there, I figured it made sense, Building me a fence, Building me
a home, Thinking I'd be strong there, But I was a fool, Playing by the
rules, The gods may throw a dice, Their minds as cold as ice, And someone
way down here, Loses someone dear, The winner takes it all, The loser has
to fall, It's simple and it's plain, Why should I complain, But tell me
does she kiss, Like I used to kiss you? Does it feel the same, When she
calls your name? Somewhere deep inside, You must know I miss you, But what
can I say, Rules must be obeyed, The judges will decide, The likes of me
abide, Spectators of the show, Always staying low, The game is on again, A
lover or a friend, A big thing or a small, The winner takes it all, I
don't want to talk, If it makes you feel sad, And I understand, You've
come to shake my hand, I apologize, If it makes you feel bad, Seeing me so
tense, No self-confidence, But you see, The winner takes it all, The
winner takes it all, So the winner takes it all, And the the loser has to
fall, Throw a dice, cold as ice, Way down here, someone dear, Takes it
all, has to fall, It seems plain to me.
Build Me Up
The Foundations - 1968
- Why do you build me up, Buttercup, baby, Just
to let me down, And mess me around, And then worst of all, You never call,
baby, When you say you will.
Insert Generic Name
(youtube) - Stacy, It really sucks to be your girlfriend, Although you're
a prolific boyfriend, I'm suddenly the center of resentment in your harem.
There will be times in your life when
people don't like you or who are
towards you. And you will wonder what you said or what you
did that would cause someone not to like you or cause someone not to
you. It is normal to have a
care about what other
about you. But you can't always control how some people
will react towards you. So please don't take rejection personally or take
it to the heart. If you can, ask someone why they were cold or distant or
ignoring you. But don't be surprised that you don't get a straight answer
from them. Someone might say they don't like you, but they can't explain
it, meaning, they are ashamed about rejecting you, or they're afraid to
hurt you, or, they are afraid to hurt themselves by saying something
stupid or inaccurate. This is one of the reasons why you don't take things
personally. There are some people who just don't like other people for
numerous reasons. Even the people they do like, they too are sometimes
given a cold shoulder. So it's not you, it's them. The best thing you can
do, is not to expect
people to like you. Even when you are nice and do nice things,
don't expect people to notice you
a good person is good, expecting people to notice you is bad. People
perceive things differently and thus react differently. So don't jump to
conclusions or assume the worse about people. Be good, be nice, be
respectable, but don't be gullible or naive. You too can make
you too can say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. So don't punish
yourself or punish others. Look for logical reasons and look for logical
answers, and don't stop learning. There is no good reason for a good
person to suffer from the bad behavior of others. So
stay true to yourself
. Being good is
sometimes a thankless job and can be a lot of work. But being good is the
most important job to have. So don't let others who act bad or say bad
things stop you from being good or stop you from doing good things. Listen
to people when they have concerns. But don't judge people when their
concerns are narrow
or inaccurate. Being good and doing good things should be
explainable. So part of your job of being a good person is being able to
explain why you are good and way you need to do good things.
Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack (1969)
- The first time ever I saw your face, I thought the sun rose in your
eyes, And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave, To the dark and
the endless skies, my love. The first time ever I kissed your mouth, I felt the
earth move in my hand, Like the trembling heart of a captive bird, That
was there at my command my love. And the first time ever I lay with you, I
felt your heart so close to mine, And I knew our joy would fill the earth.
And last till the end of time my love, The first time ever I saw your
face, Your face, your face.
I Think I Love You -
(youtube) - I think I love you, so what am I so
afraid of, I'm afraid that I'm not sure of, a love there is no cure for, I
think I love you, isn't that what life is made of, Though it worries me to
say, that I never felt this way.
Happy Together -
(youtube) - I can't see me lovin' nobody but you For all
my life, When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue For all my life.
Cant Take My
Eyes Off You - Frankie Valli and The 4 Seasons
(youtube) - You're just
too good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you, You'd be like Heaven
to touch, I wanna hold you so much, At long last love has arrived, And I
thank God I'm alive, You're just too good to be true, Can't take my eyes
off of you.
I love you baby
, And if it's quite all right, I need you,
baby, to warm these lonely nights, I love you, baby, trust in me when I
I Love You Always
Forever - Donna Lewis
(youtube) - I love you always forever, Near
and far closer together, Everywhere I will be with you, Everything I will
do for you, I love you always forever, Near and far closer together,
Everywhere I will be with you, Everything I will do for you.
The Power of Love -
Huey Lewis and the News
(youtube) - You don't need money, don't take
fame, Don't need no credit card to ride this train, It's strong and it's
sudden and it's cruel sometimes, But it might just save your life, That's
the power of love.
Unchained Melody -
(youtube) - Oh, my love, my darling, I've hungered
for your touch, A long, lonely time, Time goes by so slowly, And time can
do so much, Are you still mine? I need your love, I need your love, God
speed your love to me.
More Today Than
Yesterday - The Spiral Starecase
(youtube) - I love you more today
than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow.
Save The Best For
Last - Vanessa Williams
(youtube) - Sometimes the one thing you're
looking for is the one thing you can't see.
No One - Alicia
- I just want you close, Where you can stay forever, You can be sure, That
it will only get better, You and me together, Through the days and nights,
I don't worry, 'cause Everything's gonna be alright, People keep talking,
they can say what they like, But all I know is everything's gonna be
alright, No one, no one, no one, Can get in the way of what I'm feeling,
No one, no one, no one, Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you,
you, Can get in the way of what I feel for you.
Never My Love -
(youtube) - You ask me if there'll come a time,
When I grow tired of you, Never my love, Never my love.
Hooked On A Feeling
- Blue Swede
, I'm high on believing, that you're in love with me,
Diamonds - Rihanna
- I knew that we'd become one right away,
Oh, right away. At first sight I felt the energy of sun rays, I saw the
life inside your eyes, So shine bright tonight, You and I,
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye, So alive, We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky. -
Not really sure how to feel about it, Something in the way you move, Makes
me feel like I can't live without you, It takes me all the way,
I want you to stay
. Round and around and
around and around we go, Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now
Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
(youtube) - Love I get so lost, sometimes,
Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart, When I want to run away, I
drive off in my car, But whichever way I go, I come back to the place you
are, All my instincts, they return, And the grand facade, so soon will
burn, Without a noise, without my pride, I reach out from the inside, In
your eyes, The light the heat, In your eyes, I am complete, In your eyes,
I see the doorway to a thousand churches, In your eyes, The resolution of
all the fruitless searches, In your eyes, I see the light and the heat, In
your eyes, Oh, I want to be that complete, I want to touch the light, The
heat I see in your eyes.
You're My Best
Friend - Queen
(youtube) - Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had,
I've been with you such a long time, You're my sunshine and I want you to
know, That my feelings are true, I really love you, Oh, you're my best
friend, Ooh, you make me live, Ooh, I've been wandering 'round, Still come
back to you (still come back to you), In rain or shine, you've stood by me
girl, I'm happy at home (happy at home), You're my best friend.
Only You - The
(youtube) - Only you can make all this world seem right, Only
you can make the darkness bright, Only you and you alone can thrill me
like you do, And fill my heart with love for only you, Only you can make
all this change in me, For it's true, you are my destiny, When you hold my
hand I understand the magic that you do, You're my dream come true, my one
and only you, Only you can make this change in me, For it's true, you are
my destiny, When you hold my hand I understand the magic that you do,
You're my dream come true, my one and only you.
To Love Somebody -
- There's a light, A certain kind of light, That never shone on me, I want
my life to be lived with you, Lived with you, There's a way everybody say,
To do each and every little thing, But what does it bring, If I ain't got
you, ain't got? You don't know what it's like, baby, You don't know what
To love somebody
, To love somebody
The way I love you.
Wouldn't It Be Nice
- The Beach Boys
(youtube) - Wouldn't it be nice if we were older,
Then we wouldn't have to wait so long? And wouldn't it be nice to live
together, In the kind of world where we belong? You know it's gonna make
it that much better, When we can say goodnight and stay together.
Just a Kiss - Lady
(youtube) - Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight, Just
a touch of the fire burning so bright, And I don't want to mess this thing
up, I don't want to push too far, Just a shot in the dark that you just
might, Be the one I've been waiting for my whole life, So baby I'm
alright, with just a kiss goodnight.
Say Hey - Michael
Franti & Spearhead
- I say hey, I'll be gone today, But I'll be back
all around the way, It seems like everywhere I go, The more I see, the
less I know, But I know one thing, That I love you,
I love you
, I love you, I love you.Say
Anything... (3/5) Movie CLIP - Boombox Serenade (1989) HD
If I could say anything, anything, What would it be? A good question for a
distant reality, I would tell you that I love you, Even when it didn't
show, I would tell you that I love you baby, By now I hope you know.
Over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel
(youtube) - When you're
weary, feeling small, When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all,
all, I'm on your side, oh, when times get rough, And friends just can't be
found, Like a bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down, Like a
bridge over troubled water, I will lay me down.
We've Only Just
Begun - Carpenters
(youtube) - We've only just begun to live, White
lace and promises, A kiss for luck and we're on our way, We've only begun.
That's The Way I
Always Heard It Should Be - Carly Simon 1971
(youtube) - But you say it's time we moved in together, And
raised a family of our own, you and me, Well, that's the way I've always
heard it should be, You want to marry me, we'll marry.
Send In The Clowns -
(youtube) - Don't you love farce? My fault, I fear, I
thought that you'd want what I want, Sorry, my dear! But where are the
clowns, Send in the clowns, Don't bother, they're here.
Linger - The
(youtube) - If you, if you could return, Don't let it
burn, Don't let it fade, I'm sure I'm not being rude, But it's just your
attitude, It's tearing me apart, It's ruining every day, For me, I swore I
would be true, And fellow, so did you, So why were you holding her hand?
Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game
to you? But I'm in so deep, You know I'm such a fool for you, You've got
me wrapped around your finger, Do you have to let it linger? Do you have
to, do you have to, do have to let it linger?
Not Broken, Just Bent
(youtube) - Right from the start, You
were a thief, you stole my heart, And I, your willing victim, I let you
see the parts of me, that weren't all that pretty, And with every touch
you fixed them, Now you've been talking in your sleep oh oh, Things you
never say to me oh oh, Tell me that you've had enough, Of our love, our
love, Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough, Just a second
we're not broken just bent, and we can learn to love again, It's in the
stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts, We're not broken just
bent, and we can learn to love again
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love
Love Songs by The Beatles
Life may be Fleeting, but Love Lives On.
Baria - Love Never Dies (A. Webber) with lyrics
(youtube) - Who knows
when love begins? Who knows what makes it start? One day it's simply
there, Alive inside in your heart. It slips into your thoughts,
It infiltrates your soul, It takes you by surprise, Then seizes full
control. Try to deny it, And try to protest, But love won't let
you go, Once you've been possessed. Love never dies. Love never
falters. Once it has spoken, Love is yours. Love never fades.
Love never alters. Hearts may get broken, Love endures...Hearts
may get broken, Love endures. And soon as you submit, Surrender
flesh and bone, That love takes on a life much bigger than your own.
It uses you at whim and drives you to despair. And forces you to feel
more joy than you can bear. Love gives you pleasure, And love brings
you pain! And yet, when both are gone, Love will still remain.
Love never dies, Love never alters, Hearts may get broken, Love
endures...Hearts may get broken. Love never dies! Love will
continue! Love keeps on beating
when you're gone! Love never dies
once it is in you! Life may be fleeting, Love lives on...Life
may be fleeting, Love lives on.
Isn’t This a Lovely
Day (To Be Caught in the Rain) - Irving Berlin
(youtube) - The
weather is frightening, The thunder and lightning, Seem to be having their
way, But as far as I'm concerned, It's a lovely day. The turn in the
weather, Will keep us together, So I can honestly say, That as far as I'm
concerned, It's a lovely day and everything's okay. Isn't this a lovely
day to be caught in the rain? You were going on your way, Now you've got
to remain, Just as you were going, Leaving me all at sea, The clouds
broke, they broke, And oh what a break for me, I can see the sun up high.
Though we're caught in a storm, I can see where you and I could be cozy
and warm, Let the rain pitter-patter, But it really doesn't matter, If the
skies are gray, Long as I can be with you, It's a lovely day.
Nat King Cole
is a song written by Bert Kaempfert and Milt Gabler, recorded by American
singer and jazz pianist Nat King Cole for his 1965 studio album L-O-V-E. -
L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I see, V is very,
very extraordinary, E is even more than anyone that you adore can. Love is
all that I can give to you, Love is more than just a game for two, Two in
love can make it, Take my heart and please don't break it, Love was made
for me and you, L is for the way you look at me, O is for the only one I
see, V is very, very extraordinary, E is even more than anyone that you
adore can, Love is all that I can give to you, Love is more than just a
game for two, Two in love can make it, Take my heart and please don't
break it, Love was made for me and you, Love was made for me and you, Love
was made for me and you.
Make You Feel My
Love - ADELE
(youtube) - When the rain is blowing in your face, And
the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace, To make
you feel my love. When the evening shadows and the stars appear, And there
is no one there to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years,
To make you feel my love. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, But I
would never do you wrong, I've known it from the moment that we met, No
doubt in my mind where you belong, I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue, No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do,
To make you feel my love. The storms are raging on the rolling sea, And on
the highway of regret, Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet, I could make you happy, make your
dreams come true, Nothing that I wouldn't do, Go to the ends of the Earth
for you, To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love.
Make You Feel My Love
is a song written by
his 1997 album Time Out of Mind.
I Feel Love -
- Friendship Songs
- Happy Songs
To Love is to Have Knowledge
To say "all you need is
is a little oversimplifying
needs of life, because you need a lot more than just love. You need
, and lots
of it." If you learn to love
, then learning to love will happen naturally, and
Knowledge is God
- God is Knowledge
Don't just be a follower in love
, you need to be a leader in love,
because love can be blind
is totally amazing. Everyone should be loved. But you need to know
the reality of love. Love is not clearly defined or fully understood. We
know that we want love and we know how great love feels, but we don't
love, at least not the way we should. Love will not solve your problems or provide
you with any guarantees. They only way for love to flourish and survive is
for everyone to learn everything that they can about themselves
and the world around them. Love comes with no instructions, so you must
learn what the instructions are. The more intelligent you become, the
stronger love becomes. You might not find love in this lifetime, but love
will find you. And the only way to know when love is near, is to learn
everything that you can about yourself and the world around you. Then you
will see love in more places and more often, and you will also understand the differences between
dreams and reality. Love is the strongest when it finds a home in a mind
that is strong enough to embrace its power.
I want you to have love
, but I also want you to be
, because then I will know for sure that
love will be safe with
, and that love will help guide you, and that you will help guide love through your entire life.
As children, we grow up with that
of finding someone
special who will love us forever and be with us throughout our entire
life. It's a beautiful dream, but it's not reality for many people. Yes
you can be loved
, and yes you can love others. But
you need more than love, you need
. You can list the things you like and don't like
, but the bottom
line is love, and a full understanding that people change and so do you.
So the person you originally fell in love with will change. So does this
mean that the things you loved about that person are gone? Or did you
misunderstand the things you thought the person was? Or did you value
things that you loved about that person incorrectly? Learning to love
takes a long time, learning who to love takes even longer.
Being in a
, or being
, is not as important as all
the other relationships that we have in life. The relationship
that we have with ourselves
, the relationships that we have with
, and the relationship that we have with
, are much more important and
meaningful relationships then our intimate ones.
We put too much
pressure on ourselves
, and so does
People incorrectly believe that If they are not in love there must be
something wrong with them, which is mostly false. All
relationships require work and
. And all
relationships are equally important. Don't sacrifice one
relationship for the other. And if you feel that you have not
found love, just remember, love is created, not found. Looking
for Love is misleading, you must create love, and the person who
responds the most to the love that you have created, is someone
to pay attention to, but don't expect intimacy, only embrace
intimacy and love when it is genuine and true.
Love is Knowledge - Love is Information
The Summer of Love
never really ended, it just manifested itself
into the generations
that followed. This awakening made us aware
of our problems,
but we never learned how to truly solve them
So the next big wave will be
The Summer of Learning
, this will
finally take us home. It took us a while, but we finally figured
it out that improving education was the answer all along. Our
intelligence is our greatest strength, but we have to learn how
to effectively utilize our
, and the only way to do
that is to improve education
so that intelligence is a
guarantee for everyone. Knowledge and information must flow
like love did during the 60's. But this time, we'll have the
wisdom and the maturity to see this through, and finally solve
all the problems that have plagued us for way to long. The time
has come, this is our time, Godspeed!
a slogan used during the late 1960s and early 1970s as a symbol of
It is rooted in the opposition movement to the Vietnam War. The expression
was coined by the American Beat poet Allen Ginsberg in 1965 as a means to
transform war protests into peaceful affirmative spectacles.
embraced the symbolism
by dressing in clothing with embroidered flowers and vibrant colors,
wearing flowers in their hair, and distributing flowers to the public,
becoming known as
. The term later became generalized as a modern
reference to the hippie movement and the so-called counterculture of
drugs, psychedelic music, psychedelic art and social permissiveness.
are temporary, loosely knit communities of people,
who congregate annually in remote forests around the world for one or more
weeks at a time with the stated intention of living a shared
peace, harmony, freedom, and respect. In the original invitation, spread
throughout the United States in 1971.
We Love You
(Official Full-Length) Rainbow Gathering Documentary
is a counter-culture or alternative culture, in
existence since approximately 1970. It is a loose affiliation of
individuals, some nomadic, generally asserting that it has no leader. They
put on yearly, primitive camping events on public land known as Rainbow
Baby Boomers Shed
Tears When They Remember The 1960s
(youtube) - Interviews were in
The 60's was not about being
, it was more
about wanting the freedom of expression
and not feeling boxed in. People
wanted the freedom
to explore and to personally develop without unfair
barriers or judgments. People wanted to continue to discover new
possibilities, which are the reasons why humans are still alive today.
People didn't reject authority, people
rejected the abuse of authority
rejected the corruption
of authority. People were not about rejecting old
ideas, but were more about projecting new ideas.
is to imagine and conceive of
something and see in one's mind. To transfer ideas or principles from one
domain into another. To put forth or send forth. To throw, send, or cast
forward and extend out in space, above or beyond a surface or boundary. To
communicate vividly. To cause to be heard. To make or work out and devise
a plan for an idea. Present something for consideration, examination,
Get Together - The
(youtube) - Come on people now, Smile on your brother,
Everybody get together, Try to love one another Right now.
Activist Songs of the 60's
were a radical community-action group of activists and Street
Theatre actors operating from 1966 to 1968, based in the Haight-Ashbury
neighborhood of San Francisco. Their politics have been categorized as "left-wing
more accurately, they were "community anarchists" who blended a desire for
freedom with a consciousness of the community in which they lived. The
Diggers' central tenet was to be "authentic," seeking to create a society
free from the dictates of money and
. The Diggers were
closely associated and shared a number of members with the guerrilla
theater group San Francisco Mime Troupe. They were formed out of
after-hours Mime Troupe discussions between Emmett Grogan, Peter Coyote,
Peter Berg, and Billy Landout. The Diggers took their name from the
original English Diggers (1649–1650) who had promulgated a vision of
society free from buying, selling, and private property. During the mid-
and late 1960s, the San Francisco Diggers organized free music concerts
and works of political art, provided free food, medical care, transport,
and temporary housing and opened stores that gave away stock. Some of
their events included the Death of Money Parade, Intersection Game,
Invisible Circus, and Death of Hippie/Birth of Free. Diggers fostered and
inspired later groups like the Yippies
which was a
Youth International Party
and an American youth-oriented radical and
countercultural revolutionary offshoot of the free speech and anti-war
movements of the late 1960s. It was founded on December 31, 1967. They
employed theatrical gestures to mock the social status quo, such as
advancing a pig ("Pigasus
") as a candidate for president of the United States in
1968. They have been described as a highly theatrical, anti-authoritarian
and anarchist youth movement of "symbolic
People felt optimistic and hopeful because they saw
millions of other people expressing the same kind of love that they had
and showing the same desire for change and improvements that they also
shared. But not enough people understood how to make these things come
about or knew what the necessary steps that were needed to take in order
for improvements to happen. In order to evolve and progress, you need to
make physical changes in the system, you need to update education, update
and improve the way the media informs the public, you need to change
unjust laws and practices. The environment must be healthy if you want the
minds of people to be healthy. We
still have a lot of work to do
Jealousy - Insecure Love
is an emotion
, and the
word typically refers to the thoughts and feelings of
, concern, and anxiety
over an anticipated loss of status
or something of great personal value,
particularly in reference to a human connection. Jealousy often consists
of a combination of emotions such as anger
is painfully desiring another's
. Showing extreme greed
for material wealth. Spite
occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or
and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.
Be careful what you wish for monkey paw
Green with Envy
is being full of desire
for someone's possessions or advantages. Being extremely covetous or
strongly wanting someone else's position, advantages or possessions.
Not only is Jealousy bad for relationships
, it is one of the main causes
Jealousy provides no accuracy in a persons
, and it's a
that has no value.
Empathy is Healthier
"If you love something, then let it go. If it comes back to you, then it
may be yours again. But if it doesn't come back to you, then maybe it was never
meant to be."
"You can love someone, but you can never
them. Nothing can be
owned, only temporarily enjoyed."
In order to truly love something
or to truly love someone, you have to be able let them go and let them be
free. Love is not about possession, Love is about
You don't know what you've got until it's gone
or you don't know what you're missing until it's gone, but how will you
know it's missing or gone when you don't know what you are missing or what
you had? Just because you realize that something isn't there anymore, this
doesn't mean that you understood what it was that was there. The first
three words to this saying are "You
", so why don't you know? It's true that sometimes you
don't know how important someone is or valuable something is until you
don't have it anymore. But what did you have? What was it? And why didn't
you know how valuable or how important that something was? If it does come
back, will we have
Will we continue to assume
that something will always be there? Will we
plan to prepare
ourselves this time for this type of
itself in the future?
Joni Mitchell Big
(youtube) - Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got
gone, they paved paradise and put up a parking lot. (1970).
Is a Taste of Honey worse than none
Crime of Passion
refers to a violent crime
, especially homicide,
in which the perpetrator commits the act against someone because of sudden
such as sudden rage rather than as a premeditated crime.
or alternating emotions of love and hate.
Unloved: Guilty of
Jealousy is a defect in thinking with no logic what so ever.
Jealousy is related to
. You want to be aware of your love
interest but you don't want to
jump to conclusions
things that may not be true. This is not about trust, for
can be blind sometimes. This is about being aware and
asking the right questions
, questions that won't reveal
insecurity, paranoia or delusional thinking. You want your
questions to help you understand a persons behavior, as well as
help you understand your own feelings. There's nothing cute or
romantic about jealousy, it is a sign of ignorance, which means
that you have some things to learn about yourself, as well as,
some things to learn about what a
is really about.
obsessive love and Jealousy get the best of you, look on the Brightside,
and focus on what's important.
"You have to be faithful to yourself
if you're going to be faithful to others."
describes a person who attempts to dictate how everything is done around
them. The phrase was first used in the 1970s, an era when stress was laid
on the principle of 'doing one's own thing' and letting others do the
Characteristics of Jealousy
Jealousy is the result of a relational
, such as a
partner having a sexual or emotional affair. Jealousy can also be seen as
a transgression in its own right, when a partner's suspicions are
unfounded. Thus, jealousy is an important component of relational
transgressions. There are several types of jealousy. Romantic jealousy
occurs when a partner is concerned that a potential rival might interfere
with his or her existing romantic relationship. Sexual jealousy is a
specific form of romantic jealousy where an individual worries that a
rival is having or wants to have sex with his or her partner.
Other forms of jealousy include:
jealousy - feeling threatened by a partner's relationships with friends.
Family jealousy - feeling threatened by a partner's relationships with
family members. Activity jealousy - perceiving that a partner's
activities, such as work, hobbies, or school, are interfering with one's
relationship. Power jealousy - perceiving that one's influence over a
partner is being lost to others. Intimacy jealousy - believing that
one's partner in engaging in more intimate communication, such as
disclosure and advice seeking, with someone else.
different from envy and rivalry. Envy
occurs when people want something
valuable that someone else has. Rivalry
occurs when two people are
for something that neither person has.
Experiencing Romantic Jealousy.
Individuals who are experiencing jealous thoughts
typically make primary and secondary cognitive appraisals about their
particular situation. Primary appraisals involve
the existence and quality of a rival relationship. Secondary appraisals
involve more specific evaluations about the jealous situation, including
possible causes of the jealousy and potential outcomes to the situation.
There are four common types of secondary appraisals: jealous people
assess motives; jealous people compare themselves to their rival;
they evaluate their potential alternatives; finally, jealous people
assess their potential loss.Jealous individuals make appraisals to
develop coping strategies and assess potential outcomes
individuals normally experience combinations of emotions, in addition to
the aforementioned cognitive appraisals. The most common emotions
associated with jealousy are fear and anger; people are fearful of losing
their relationship and they are often angry at their partner or rival.
Other common negative emotions associated with jealousy are sadness,
guilt, hurt, and envy. Sometimes, however, jealousy leads to positive
emotions, including increased passion, love, and appreciation.
sometimes intentionally induce jealousy in their
relationship. There are typically two types of goals for jealousy
induction. Relational rewards reflect the desire to improve the
relationship, increase self-esteem, and increase relational rewards. The
second type of goal, relational revenge, reflects the desire to punish
one's partner, the need for revenge, and the desire to control one's
partner. The tactic of inducing jealousy may produce unintended
consequences, as jealousy often leads to other relational transgressions
including violence.Communicative responses to jealousy.
Jealousy can involve a wide range of communicative responses. These
responses are based upon the individuals' goals and emotions. The most
common of these responses are negative affect expression, integrative
communication, and distributive communication. When people want to
maintain their relationship, they use integrative communication and
compensatory restoration. People who are fearful of losing their
relationships typically use compensatory restoration. Conversely,
people who are concerned with maintaining their self-esteem allege that
they deny jealous feelings. When individuals are motivated to reduce
uncertainty about their partner, they use integrative communication,
surveillance, and rival contacts to seek additional information.
Communicative responses to jealousy may help reduce uncertainty and
restore self-esteem, but they may actually increase uncertainty and
negatively impact relationships and self-esteem in some instances. The
type of communicative response used is critical. For example,
avoidance/denial may be used to protect one's self-esteem, but it may also
result in increased uncertainty and relational dissatisfaction, if the
jealous partner is left with lingering suspicions. Similarly, compensatory
restoration may improve the relationship in some instances, but it may
also communicate low self-esteem and desperation by the jealous
individual. Distributive communication, which includes behaviors such as
yelling and confrontation, may serve to vent negative emotion and
retaliate by making the partner feel bad. This may exacerbate an already
negative situation and make reconciliation less likely.
and relational satisfaction.
Jealousy is generally considered to be
a relationship dysfunction, though it may have some positive relational
properties. These positive properties can be attained through development
of one's ability to manage jealousy in a productive way, so that the
jealous individual shows care and concern without seeming overly fearful,
aggressive, or possessive. Negative affect expression can be effective if
used in conjunction with integrative communication. Compensatory
restoration can be effective, but when used in excess, too much can make
an individual seem desperate and too eager to please, which can have
detrimental effects on the relationships.Rumination
the aspect of jealousy, rumination reflects uncomfortable mulling about
the security of a relationship. Rumination refers to thoughts that are
conscious, recurring, and not demanded by the individual's current
environment. Ruminative thoughts occur repetitively and are difficult to
eliminate. In the context of relational threats, rumination can be
described as obsessive worry about the security of the current
relationship. Individuals who ruminate are very likely to respond to
jealousy differently from individuals who do not ruminate. Rumination is
positively associated with several communicative responses to jealousy
(e.g. compensatory restoration, negative affect expression, showing signs
of possession, and derogation of competitors) that attempt to strengthen a
relationship. Rumination is also associated with responses that are
counterproductive. Despite efforts to restore relational intimacy,
rumination sustains uncertainty, which thereby forms a cycle where
rumination is sustained. Rumination intensifies over time and serves as a
constant reminder to the threat to the relationship, resulting in
increased negative affect. This negative affect is associated with
destructive responses to jealousy including violent communication and
violence towards objects. Finally, jealous rumination is associated with
relational distress and counterproductive responses to jealousy.
Sex differences in jealous emotions and communication.
generally experience more hurt, sadness, anxiety, and confusion than men,
perhaps because they often blame themselves for the jealous situation.
Conversely, men have been found to deny jealous feelings and focus on
increasing their self-esteem. Generally speaking, women tend to be more
focused on the relationship, while men tend to be more focused on
individual concerns. In communicative responses, women tend to use
integrative communication, express negative affect, enhance their
appearance, and use counterjealousy induction more often than jealous men.
Jealous men more often contact the rival, restrict the partner's access to
potential rivals, and give gifts and spend money on the partner. Jealous
men also engage in dangerous behaviors, such as getting drunk and engaging
in promiscuous sex with others. Analysis from an evolutionary perspective
would suggest that men focus on competing for mates and displaying
resources (e.g., material goods to suggest financial security), while
women focus on creating and enhancing social bonds and showcasing their
Deception is a major relational
transgression that often leads to feelings of betrayal and distrust
between relational partners. Deception violates relational rules and is
considered to be a negative violation of expectations. Most people expect
friends, relational partners, and even strangers to be truthful most of
the time. If people expected most conversations to be untruthful, talking
and communicating with others would simply be unproductive and too
difficult. On a given day, it is likely that most human beings will either
deceive or be deceived by another person. A significant amount of
deception occurs between romantic and relational partners.
Deception includes several types of communications or omissions that
serve to distort or omit the complete truth. Deception itself is
intentionally managing verbal and/or nonverbal messages so that the
message receiver will believe in a way that the message sender knows is
false. Intent is critical with regard to deception. Intent differentiates
between deception and an honest mistake. The Interpersonal Deception
Theory explores the interrelation between communicative context and sender
and receiver cognitions and behaviors in deceptive exchanges.
Five primary forms of deception consist of the
Lies: making up information or giving information
that is the opposite or very different from the truth. Euivocations:
making an indirect, ambiguous, or contradictory statement.
Concealments: omitting information that is important or relevant to the
given context, or engaging in behavior that helps hide relevant
information. Exaggeration: overstatement or stretching the truth to a
degree. Understatement: minimization or downplaying aspects of the
There are three
primary motivations for deceptions in close relationships.
Partner-focused motives: using deception to avoid hurting the partner,
helping the partner to enhance or maintain his or her self-esteem, avoid
worrying the partner, and protecting the partner's relationship with a
third party. Partner-motivated deception can sometimes be viewed as
socially polite and relationally beneficial. Self-focused motives:
using deception to enhance or protect their self-image, wanting to shield
themselves from anger, embarrassment, or criticism. Self-focused deception
is generally perceived as a more serious transgression than
partner-focused deception because the deceiver is acting for selfish
reasons rather than for the good of the relationship.
Relationship-focused motives: using deception to limit relationship harm
by avoiding conflict or relational trauma. Relationally motivated
deception can be beneficial to a relationship, and other times it can be
harmful by further complicating matters.Detection.
detection between relational partners is extremely difficult, unless a
partner tells a blatant or obvious lie or contradicts something the other
partner knows to be true. While it is difficult to deceive a partner over
a long period of time, deception often occurs in day-to-day conversations
between relational partners. Detecting deception is difficult because
there are no known completely reliable indicators of deception. Deception,
however, places a significant cognitive load on the deceiver. He or she
must recall previous statements so that his or her story remains
consistent and believable. As a result, deceivers often leak important
information both verbally and nonverbally. Deception and its
detection is a complex
, fluid, and cognitive process that is based on the
context of the message exchange. The Interpersonal Deception Theory posits
that interpersonal deception is a dynamic, iterative process of mutual
influence between a sender, who manipulates information to depart from the
truth, and a receiver, who attempts to establish the validity of the
message. A deceiver's actions are interrelated to the message receiver's
actions. It is during this exchange that the deceiver will reveal verbal
and nonverbal information about deceit. Some research has found that there
are some cues that may be correlated with deceptive communication, but
scholars frequently disagree about the effectiveness of many of these cues
to serve as reliable indicators. Noted deception scholar Aldert Vrij even
states that there is no nonverbal behavior that is uniquely associated
with deception. As previously stated, a specific behavioral indicator of
deception does not exist. There are, however, some nonverbal behaviors
that have been found to be correlated with deception. Vrij found that
examining a "cluster" of these cues was a significantly more reliable
indicator of deception than examining a single cue. In terms of
perceptions about the significance of deceiving a partner, women and men
typically differ in their beliefs about deception. Women view deception as
a much more profound relational transgression than men. Additionally,
women rate lying in general as a less acceptable behavior than men.
Finally, women are much more likely to view any act of lying as
significant (regardless of the subject matter) and more likely to report
negative emotional reactions to lying.Truth bias.
bias significantly impairs the ability of relational partners to detect
deception. In terms of deception, a truth bias reflects a tendency to
judge more messages as truths than lies, independent of their actual
veracity. When judging message veracity, the truth bias contributes to an
overestimate of the actual number of truths relative to the base rate of
actual truths. The truth bias is especially strong within close
relationships. People are highly inclined to trust the communications of
others and are unlikely to question the relational partner unless faced
with a major deviation of behavior that forces a reevaluation. When
attempting to detect deceit from a familiar person or relational partner,
a large amount of information about the partner is brought to mind. This
information essentially overwhelms the receiver's cognitive ability to
detect and process any cues to deception. It is somewhat easier to detect
deception in strangers, when less information about that person is brought
to mind.Hurtful messages.
Messages that convey negative
feelings or rejection lead to emotions such as hurt and anger. Hurtful
messages are associated with less satisfying relationships. Intentionally
hurtful messages are among the most serious, as perceived by a partner.
Unlike physical pain that usually subsides over time, hurtful messages and
hurt feelings often persist for a long period of time and be recalled even
years after the event. The interpersonal damage caused by hurtful messages
is sometimes permanent. People are more likely to be upset if they believe
their relational partner said something to deliberately hurt him or her.
Some of the most common forms of hurtful messages include evaluations,
accusations, and informative statements. Feeling devalued is a
central component of hurtful messages. Similar to verbally aggressive
messages, hurtful messages that are stated intensely may be viewed as
particularly detrimental. The cliché "It's not what you say, but how you
say it" is very applicable with regard to recipients' appraisals of
hurtful messages. Females tend to experience more hurt than males in
response to hurtful messages. Repairing the damage.
Individuals tend to experience a wide array of complex
emotions following a relational transgression. These emotions are shown to
have utility as an initial coping mechanism. For example, fear can result
in a protective orientation following a serious transgression; sadness
results in contemplation and reflection while disgust causes us to
repel from its source. However, beyond the initial situation these
emotions can be detrimental to one’s mental and physical state.
Consequently, forgiveness is viewed as a more productive means of dealing
with the transgression along with engaging the one who committed the
transgression. Forgiving is not the act of excusing or condoning.
Rather, it is the process whereby negative emotions are transformed into
positive emotions for the purpose of bringing emotional normalcy to a
relationship. In order to achieve this transformation the offended must
forgo retribution and claims for retribution. McCullough, Worthington, and
Rachal (1997) defined forgiveness as a, “set of motivational changes
whereby one becomes (a) decreasingly motivated to retaliate against an
offending relationship partner, (b) decreasingly motivated to maintain
estrangement from the offender, and (c) increasingly motivated by
conciliation and goodwill for the offender, despite the offender’s hurtful
actions”. In essence, relational partners choose constructive behaviors
that show an emotional commitment and willingness to sacrifice in order to
achieve a state of forgiveness. Dimensions of forgiveness.
link between reconciliation and forgiveness involves exploring two
dimensions of forgiveness: intrapsychic and interpersonal. The
intrapsychic dimension relates to the cognitive processes and
interpretations associated with a transgression (i.e. internal state),
whereas interpersonal forgiveness is the interaction between relational
partners. Total forgiveness is defined as including both the intrapsychic
and interpersonal components which brings about a return to the conditions
prior to the transgression. To only change one’s internal state is silent
forgiveness, and only having interpersonal interaction is considered
hollow forgiveness. However, some scholars contend that these two
dimensions (intrapsychic and interpersonal) are independent as the
complexities associated with forgiveness involve gradations of both
dimensions. For example, a partner may not relinquish negative emotions
yet choose to remain in the relationship because of other factors (e.g.,
children, financial concerns, etc.). Conversely, one may grant forgiveness
and release all negative emotions directed toward their partner, and still
exit the relationship because trust cannot be restored. Given this
complexity, research has explored whether the transformation of negative
emotions to positive emotions eliminates negative affect associated with a
given offense. The conclusions drawn from this research suggest that no
correlation exists between forgiveness and unforgiveness. Put simply,
while forgiveness may be granted for a given transgression, the negative
affect may not be reduced a corresponding amount. Determinants of
forgiveness, Predictors of Forgiveness.
McCullough et al. (1998) outlined predictors of forgiveness into four
broad categories: Personality traits of both partners, Relationship
quality, Nature of the transgression, Social-cognitive variables.
While personality variables and characteristics of the relationship
are preexisting to the occurrence of forgiveness, nature of the offense
and social-cognitive determinants become apparent at the time of the
transgression.Personality traits of both partners.
Forgivingness is defined as one’s general tendency to forgive
transgressions However, this tendency differs from forgiveness which is a
response associated with a specific transgression. Listed below are
characteristics of the forgiving personality as described by Emmons
Does not seek revenge; effectively regulates negative
affect. Strong desire for a relationship free of conflict. Shows
empathy toward offender. Does not personalize hurt associated with
In terms of personality traits, agreeableness and
neuroticism (i.e., instability, anxiousness, aggression) show consistency
in predicting forgivingness and forgiveness. Since forgiveness requires
one to discard any desire for revenge, a vengeful personality tends to not
offer forgiveness and may continue to harbor feelings of vengeance long
after the transgression occurred.
Research has shown that
agreeableness is inversely correlated with motivations for revenge and
avoidance, as well as positively correlated with benevolence. As such, one
who demonstrates the personality trait of agreeableness is prone to
forgiveness as well as has a general disposition of forgivingness.
Conversely, neuroticism was positively correlated with avoidance and
vengefulness, but negatively correlated with benevolence. Consequently, a
neurotic personality is less apt to forgive or to have a disposition of
Though the personality traits of the offended have a
predictive value of forgiveness, the personality of the offender also has
an effect on whether forgiveness is offered. Offenders who show sincerity
when seeking forgiveness and are persuasive in downplaying the impact of
the transgression will have a positive effect on whether the offended will
Narcissistic personalities, for example, may be
categorized as persuasive transgressors. This is driven by the narcissist
to downplay their transgressions, seeing themselves as perfect and seeking
to save face at all costs. Such a dynamic suggests that personality
determinants of forgiveness may involve not only the personality of the
offended, but also that of the offender.
The quality of a relationship between offended and offending partners can
affect whether forgiveness is both sought and given. In essence, the more
invested one is in a relationship, the more prone they are to minimize the
hurt associated with transgressions and seek reconciliation.
McCullough et al. (1998) provides seven reasons behind why those in
relationships will seek to forgive: High investment in relationship
(e.g., children, joint finances, etc.). Views relationship as long term
commitment. Have high degree of common interests. Is selfless in
regard to their partner. Willingness to take viewpoint of partner (i.e.
empathy). Assumes motives of partner are in best interest of
relationship (e.g., criticism is taken as constructive feedback).
Willingness to apologize for transgressions.
maintenance activities are a critical component to maintaining high
quality relationships. While being heavily invested tends to lead to
forgiveness, one may be in a skewed relationship where the partner who is
heavily invested is actually under benefitted. This leads to an over
benefitted partner who is likely to take the relationship for granted and
will not be as prone to exhibit relationship repair behaviors. As such,
being mindful of the quality of a relationship will best position partners
to address transgressions through a stronger willingness to forgive and
seek to normalize the relationship.
Another relationship factor
that affects forgiveness is history of past conflict. If past conflicts
ended badly (i.e., reconciliation/forgiveness was either not achieved or
achieved after much conflict), partners will be less prone to seek out or
offer forgiveness. As noted earlier, maintaining a balanced relationship
(i.e. no partner over/under benefitted) has a positive effect on
relationship quality and tendency to forgive. In that same vein, partners
are more likely to offer forgiveness if their partners had recently
forgiven them for a transgression. However, if a transgression is repeated
resentment begins to build which has an adverse effect on the offended
partner’s desire to offer forgiveness.Nature of the transgression.
The most notable feature of a transgression to have an effect on
forgiveness is the seriousness of the offense. Some transgressions are
perceived as being so serious that they are considered unforgivable. To
counter the negative affect associated with a severe transgression, the
offender may engage in repair strategies to lessen the perceived hurt of
the transgression. The offender’s communication immediately following a
transgression has the greatest predictive value on whether forgiveness
will be granted. Consequently, offenders who immediately apologize,
take responsibility and show remorse have the greatest chance of obtaining
forgiveness from their partner. Further, self-disclosure of a
transgression yields much greater results than if a partner is informed of
the transgression through a third party.[ By taking responsibility for
one’s actions and being forthright through self-disclosure of an offense,
partners may actually form closer bonds from the reconciliation associated
with a serious transgression. As noted in the section on personality,
repeated transgressions cause these relationship repair strategies to have
a more muted effect as resentment begins to build and trust erodes.
Attributions of responsibility for a
given transgression may have an adverse effect on forgiveness.
Specifically, if a transgression is viewed as intentional or malicious,
the offended partner is less likely to feel empathy and forgive. Based on
the notion that forgiveness is driven primarily by empathy, the offender
must accept responsibility and seek forgiveness immediately following the
transgression, as apologies have shown to elicit empathy from the offended
partner. The resulting feelings of empathy elicited in the offended
partner may cause them to better relate to the guilt and loneliness their
partner may feel as a result of the transgression. In this state of mind,
the offended partner is more likely to seek to normalize the relationship
through granting forgiveness and restoring closeness with their partner.
Remedial strategies for the offender.
Prior sections offered
definitions of forgiveness along with determinants of forgiveness from the
perspective of the partner who has experienced the hurtful transgression.
As noted earlier, swift apologies and utilization of repair strategies by
the offender have the greatest likelihood of eliciting empathy from the
offended and ultimately receiving forgiveness for the transgression. The
sections below address remedial strategies offenders may use to facilitate
a state in which the offended more likely to offer forgiveness and seek to
normalize the relationship.Apologies/concessions.
common of the remedial strategies, an apology is the most straightforward
means by which to admit responsibility, express regret, and seek
forgiveness. Noted earlier, apologies are most effective if provided in a
timely manner and involve a self-disclosure. Apologies occurring after
discovery of a transgression by a third party are much less effective.
Though apologies can range from a simple, “I’m sorry” to more elaborate
forms, offenders are most successful when offering more complex apologies
to match the seriousness of the transgression.
Rather than accepting responsibility for a
transgression through the form of an apology, a transgressor who explains
why they engaged in a behavior is engaging in excuses or justifications.
While excuses and justifications aim to minimize blame on the
transgressor, the two address blame minimization from completely opposite
perspectives. Excuses attempt to minimize blame by focusing on a
transgressor’s inability to control their actions (e.g., “How would I have
known my exgirlfriend was going to be at the party.”) or displace blame on
a third party (e.g., “I went to lunch with my exgirlfriend because I did
not want to hurt her feelings.”). Conversely, a justification minimizes
blame by suggesting that actions surrounding the transgression were
justified or that the transgression was not severe. For example, a
transgressor may justify having lunch with a past romantic interest,
suggesting to their current partner that the lunch meeting was of no major
consequence (e.g., “We are just friends.”).
Refusals are where a transgressor claims no blame for the perceived
transgression. This is a departure from apologies and
excuses/justifications which involve varying degrees of blame acceptance.
In the case of a refusal, the transgressor believes that they have not
done anything wrong. Such a situation points out the complexity of
relational transgressions. Perception of both partners must be taken into
account when recognizing and addressing transgressions. For example, Bob
and Sally have just started to date, but have not addressed whether they
are mutually exclusive. When Bob finds out that Sally has been on a date
with someone else, he confronts Sally. Sally may engage in refusal of
blame because Bob and Sally had not explicitly noted whether they were
mutually exclusive. The problem with these situations is that the
transgressor shows no sensitivity to the offended. As such, the offended
is less apt to exhibit empathy which is key towards forgiveness. As such,
research has shown that refusals tend to aggravate situations, rather than
serve as a meaningful repair strategy.Appeasement/positivity.
Appeasement is used to offset hurtful behavior through the
transgressor ingratiating themselves in ways such as promising never to
commit the hurtful act or being overly kind to their partner. Appeasement
may elicit greater empathy from the offended, through soothing strategies
exhibited by the transgressor (e.g., complimenting, being more attentive,
spending greater time together). However, the danger of appeasement is the
risk that the actions of transgressor will be viewed as being artificial.
For example, sending your partner flowers every day resulting from an
infidelity you have committed, may be viewed as downplaying the severity
of the transgression if the sending of flowers is not coupled with other
soothing strategies that cause greater immediacy.
Avoidance involves the transgressor making conscious efforts to ignore
the transgression (also referred to as “silence”). Avoidance can be
effective after an apology is sought and forgiveness is granted (i.e.,
minimizing discussion around unpleasant subjects once closure has been
obtained). However, total avoidance of a transgression where the hurt of
the offended is not recognized and forgiveness is not granted can result
in further problems in the future. As relational transgressions tend to
develop the nature of the relationship through drawing of new
rules/boundaries, avoidance of a transgression does not allow for this
development. Not surprisingly, avoidance is ineffective as a repair
strategy, particularly for instances in which infidelity has occurred.
Relationship talk is a remediation strategy
that focuses on discussing the transgression in the context of the
relationship. Aune et al. (1998) identified two types of relationship
talk, relationship invocation and metatalk. Relationship invocation
involves using the relationship as a backdrop for a discussion of the
transgression. For example, “We are too committed to this relationship to
let it fail.”, or “Our relationship is so much better than any of my
previous relationships.”. Metatalk involves discussing the effect of the
transgression on the relationship. For example, infidelity may cause
partners to redefine rules of the relationship and reexamine the
expectations of commitment each partner expects from the other.
Summary and application of concepts.
Relational transgressions are a
part of any relationship. In each instance, partners must weigh the
severity of the transgression against how much they value the
relationship. In some cases, trust can be so severely damaged that repair
strategies are fruitless. With each transgression both transgressor and
victim assume risks. The transgressor’s efforts at reconciliation may be
rejected by the victim, which results in loss of face and potentially an
avenue of attack by the victim. If the victim offers forgiveness, there is
risk that the transgressor may view the forgiveness as a personality trait
that may prompt future transgressions (e.g., “I’ll be forgiven by my
partner just like every other time”).
These risks aside, promptly
engaging in repair strategies helps to ensure the relationship recovers
from transgressions. Addressing relational transgressions can be a very
painful process. Utilizing repair strategies can have a transformative
effect on the relationship through redefining rules and boundaries. An
added benefit can be gained through the closeness that can be realized as
partners address transgressions. Engaging in relationship talk such as
metatalk prompts broader discussions about what each partner desires from
the relationship and aligns expectations. Such efforts can mitigate the
effects of future transgressions, or even minimize the frequency and severity of transgressions.
The Killers - Mr. Brightside
“Everything I know, I know because of love.”
War and Peace
The Kingdom of God Is Within You
, abolish violence, even the defensive
kind, and to give up revenge